These Advice from A Parent That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who often internalise negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - spending a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."